karslyan

All computers shut down. Everybody's gonna be kicked out of the network. 5 minutes.

Due to a glitch our network had collapsed and the management allowed us a generous lunch break until the repair works were finished. We went to a cafe, and one of my coworkers, Ani, a 19-year-old girl, told me real stories borrowed from a friend who works at a hospital emergency. She told me several stories but I'll retell only two because the others are simply variations of commonly known weird incidents. One is funny, the other is....

Story #1.

A gay guy comes to the ER, asks to see a doctor but chooses not to disclose the purpose of visit. The doctor checks him up with a stethoscope and hears a buzz upon contact with the heart. The gay guy is persistently silent. He gets confused, rubs the surface of the tool against his smock and puts it back on the heart. The buzz is still there. The doctor gives up and asks the patient what was going on. After hesitating with embarrassment, the gay guy says he thrust a vibrator into his ass too far. It was out of reach now. "Well, let's wait until the battery dies and we'll see." "Doctor, I had put brand new batteries." (It would make a good Energizers commercial :)


Story #2.

A girl becomes restless about a couple of enormous bubbles that have bulged on the inner walls of both of her cheeks. She shares her anxiety with her mom who takes her to a doctor. After meticulous examination, the puzzled doctor is eventually compelled to prick the bubbles only to see lumps of tiny white worms on the loose. The doctor looks straight in her eyes and goes: "Look, you have either had oral sex with dead bodies or with somebody who has had sex with dead bodies." The girl was dating a guy who worked at a mortuary.

We had semi-lunch and headed back to the office. My omelet was simply disgusting. I threw it away after the second bite - I felt i was having oral sex with a dead chicken embryo.

The following are among the medtrans stories to be told haphazardly:


Lost in the city labyrinth

The first absurd car accident.

Untransportable Mr Broken Neck transported

Blind patient giving directions.

No more milk in my coffee since one summer mourning in 2007

Jose pukes on the seat-belt

The discovery of the only tipping patient


etc.